An unlikely dietitian hops aboard the Green Monster Movement

Meet the green monster.

I have had the most awful week. I want to explain it, but it is such a litany of misery and woe that merely typing it makes me want a tub of Sally William's ice-cream. Actually, anything makes me want a tub of Sally William's ice-cream. But this week, I not only wanted to consume a tub, I wanted to dive into one and stay there until the week ended. Or until I drowned. Whichever came first.

Now, when the going gets tough, Amanda gets hungry. Hungry, and lazy. On Monday night, I ate a bowl of cornflakes for dinner. That's a lie: I ate two bowls. Actually, that's also a lie: I had two bowls of cornflakes with custard instead of milk. Then, inexplicably, I woke up at two in the morning, absolutely ravenous again, so I ate an enormous toasted cheese sandwich.

This sort of behaviour continued until Wednesday, when I realised that abstaining from my veggies and overdosing on refined carbohydrates wasn't doing my mood any favours. I was still lazy though. And hungry.

Where is your health on your list of priorities?

[Background image source: digital-photograpy-school.com]

A colleague and I were guest speakers at a school's health day today. Just as we were about to leave, one of the district health promoters  presented us each a big plate of food. Food that I would never have chosen for myself. There was an unspoken yet palpable expectation that we finish the meal.

It was a gesture of thanks, of hospitality, of generosity. It was lovely and I adore the intentions behind it. I wish I could thank her again, right now. However, one of the lingering remnants of my eating disorder is that I absolutely hate it when I am "forced" to eat food that I don't want. The mere expectation of having to eat food that I my body didn't ask for just about pushes me over the edge.

It's time for honesty

Lack of honesty is one of the pillars supporting disordered eating.

Disordered eating, ranging from starving yourself to binging and purging to the simple guilt that accompanies an enormous piece of rich, gooey chocolate cake, is something I think most men and women have danced with at least once in their lives.

Accordingly, fostering honesty can slowly starve disordered eating habits until they shrink and wither into bittersweet nothingness.

I started this blog in an attempt to finally bring that honesty and clarity and integrity into my relationships, especially my relationship with my body and my food.

It's time to be honest.

Dishonesty, or simple ignoring of the truth, becomes a habit very quickly and can have overwhelming consequences for the way we eat and the way we see ourselves.